Feeling Stuck? It Might Be the Start of Your Next Chapter
There’s no area of my life where I’ve been more powerful at manifesting than in my career—but those manifestations have almost always been preceded by periods of feeling really stuck.
It started when I graduated from college in 2008. With two internships at Harper’s Bazaar under my belt, I left school feeling confident that I would land the editorial job of my dreams. So, I took the summer off to enjoy my last few months of freedom before adulthood kicked in. Little did I know that the recession would hit that fall just as I began my job hunt. Not only were there no editorial jobs, but so many people were getting laid off in the publishing world and beyond.
While I waited for my dream job to materialize, I managed to find a temporary gig working as a freelance sales assistant at a designer showroom. I also interned at Diane von Furstenberg, but living at home and commuting into the city for a 9-to-5 was not how I envisioned my promising career starting. When I returned to the quiet suburbs every night, I was beside myself about missing out on an entirely different and more exciting life, meeting new people, and possibly finding a better job. This industry is all about who you know, after all. Many of my friends were starting their new lives and careers in New York City or Los Angeles, furthering my doubts. I was so clear about what I wanted to do, but it felt like there was no way for me to break through. I questioned whether it would ever happen meanwhile trying to apply for any job possible on ed2010. Finally, my big break came at the end of the summer of 2009 when I randomly bumped into an editor I had worked for at Bazaar who had then become the fashion director at InStyle.com. By November, I had my first editorial job.
Those 14 months I spent waiting for my dreams to start felt like forever. In hindsight, it feels like a little blip of time. It wasn’t detrimental, nor was it foreshadowing of my life or career ahead. Now, I remember that time fondly because I got to explore different parts of the fashion industry, save money, and I made connections and friends that I still have to this day. It also taught me that, eventually, I will get to where I’m supposed to be if I stay the course—it just doesn’t always happen on the exact timeline I want.
The next time I felt stuck was when I was ready to leave my job at Harper’s Bazaar, but I wasn’t sure when—or how— to make the leap. What I remember most about this time was how hard I was on myself. Part of me felt ungrateful for being unhappy in such a coveted job. Another part felt like a fraud, pretending I still loved what I did. And then there was the part that was scared I wouldn’t make it on my own—but also quietly excited about what might be possible. I experienced ALL the feelings, but my frustration was hard to ignore. Deep down, I knew I couldn’t stay at that job. I had to listen to the little impulses I felt and the whispers from my intuition that I was meant for so much more.
Making such a change meant I had to get a plan in place. My parents had always taught me to seek safety and stability, so I had no blueprint for an entrepreneurial life.
—I spoke to mentors and other women who had switched from editorial to self-employment. One helped me make a mind map of all my skills and the jobs I could do.
—I read books like A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle and Mindset by Carol Dweck (which I think is an especially great read if you struggle with self-belief or trusting your own abilities), and listened to podcasts like Expanded by Lacy Phillips of To Be Magnetic and Oprah’s Supersoul Sunday conversations. The media I consumed was always focused on helping me connect more deeply with myself, my intuition, my purpose, and to learn something new.
——I focused on saving as much money as possible, knowing that I would need a nice cushion to fall back on. That number will look different for anyone, but I had about $50,000 in the bank before I left my job which was largely thanks to my content creation side hustle.
—I connected with different contacts in the industry to let them know what I was planning and to see if I could suss out any clients before jumping ship.
—Most importantly, I still tried to take advantage of all the opportunities that came my way at work.
What I was reading and listening to in 2019 as I prepared to leave my full-time job: A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle, Expanded by To be Magnetic podcast, Oprah's Super Soul Conversations podcast, Mindset by Carol S. Dweck
Of course, as the famous saying goes, man plans and God laughs, because no preparation could’ve prepared me for leaving my job six weeks before the pandemic and lockdowns started. Once again, I faced that familiar feeling of everything stalling out. But I used that time alone to plot my next moves because I still didn’t have a concrete game plan for the future. I hoped content creation would keep me afloat, but I knew I didn’t want that to be my only path. So, I spent my time alone asking myself questions like:
—What do I genuinely enjoy doing?
—What elements of my old job did I like or not like?
—What do I like doing outside of work?
—What would I love doing even if I couldn't get paid for it? This is the question that really got me somewhere, along with listening to my first birth chart reading, it all led me to start this newsletter.
My advice, if you find yourself in a similar place and feeling stuck:
—Stay curious about what feels like it’s not working in your life. This process requires us to cut out any distractions. Sit in silence or go out in nature for a walk, with no music. Just listen to what’s bubbling up inside of you. It can be tempting to approach things from a purely rational perspective, but sometimes we need to trust our hearts over our rational minds when it comes to purpose.
—What could you do to feel more at ease in this uncertainty? When something feels challenging, I think about what the moment might be trying to teach me.
—Is there a new skill you could learn? That could help you get a promotion, or that might help you move into an entirely different industry.
—Could you try a different approach? Are you stuck in a rut because of what feels most comfortable, and you’re avoiding evolving with the times?
—Is there time to tackle that side project you’ve been putting off for months?
—Who can be a sounding board for you? Maybe someone in a similar industry or the industry you want to pivot into? Someone who has a career you admire, or just someone you trust, that could also offer you advice, brainstorm with you, etc.
—Consume media that will help you think differently about your life.
Sometimes this discomfort is simply the fuel we need to actually make a change rather than just complaining about what isn’t working. So, what steps could you take today to move one step closer to the future you want for yourself? Even if you’re just putting pen to paper and getting some ideas down.
By now, I’ve come to expect that things tend to feel the most uncertain right before life is about to change. I’ve learned to see that uncertainty as a signal. It’s an important time to gather information. You can’t be on autopilot. You have to be an active participant in sorting through the layers of your life. If you’re feeling uncertain about the future right now, I hear you—and honestly, I’m right there with you. Most people don’t enjoy uncertainty, but it’s also an essential part of life that we cannot avoid. I’m better at holding space for the frustration that comes with moments like this and the hope for a future that has more flow. When you can hold yourself through it—really sit with the discomfort and accept it for what it is—you might start to see it as an opening. A threshold. There are possibilities ahead of you, even if you don’t know what those possibilities are at this very moment.